he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
