it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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