if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
