I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
