don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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