she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
