32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
cat food counts as protein by the way
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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