Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
