so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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