apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize