you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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