if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize