So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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