i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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