I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
