there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
