I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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