May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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