Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize