is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
