You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
