i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
what day is it and did you see me today?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
