so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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