How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
