Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
