why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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