At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
