we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
