this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
