Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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