I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
