The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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