Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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