Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
