Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
