God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
