john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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