No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
At least life still wants to fuck me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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