I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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