I cockslap morals
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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