i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
