she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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