i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
