I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm like, not good at living.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
