i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
