ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Oh god it's open bar.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
