sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
