the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
