I swear god or herbie drove my car home
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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