I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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