So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I need water and some morals
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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