"it" just moved
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize