I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
what day is it and did you see me today?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
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