An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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