Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
