Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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