I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
