I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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