a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
