after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
