I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize