Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
