i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
