Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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