She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
