Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
