I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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